Kant v Cant

It was a bleak night. Cold, really cold and wet. Not a good night to be out and about in Berlin. But that’s where he was, and to avoid being out and about he went into a bar. He was feeling uncharacteristically morose. Sometimes being a children’s presenter/narrator just sucked all the joy of life out of you. Having to be jolly all the time could be a strain, so he ordered a small glass of beer, slumped on a stool at the bar and sighed.
“You look troubled young man,” he heard a voice say. Brian reeled round. The man who was addressing him was in his 50s but his hair style looked like something from the 18th century.
“No, I’m fine,” Brian said.
“I see we have something in common.”
“Sorry? What?” The other man was looking at the credit card that Brian was fiddling with. “Our names. Cant. Kant. Although my grandfather was Scottish and used the same spelling as your name. Cant. I use the K spelling. Immanuel Kant.” The man held out his hand, and Brian took it.
“I’m er Brian Cant, but you already know that,” he said looking self-consciously at his credit card.
“Glad to meet you Mr Cant. What brings you to Berlin on such a harsh night?”
“Oh I don’t know really. I’ve just always wanted to visit here, although obviously picked the wrong time of year.” Brian smiled ruefully. “I suppose I just wanted to get away from my job for a while, and I had annual leave.”
Immanuel frowned slightly, but didn’t say anything, at first, then
“And what is your job Mr Cant?”
“I work in television.”
“Television? What is that?”
It was Brian’s turn to frown in confusion. “You don’t know what television is?” he asked incredulously.
“No. I have… been away for a long time. Modern technology is a mystery to me, but I would be interested to hear about this television.”
Brian wasn’t really sure what to say. This man must be a nutter, but…
“Well it’s a device that allows you to broadcast moving pictures on a screen to anyone who has a receiving device. And it’s categorically one of the most life changing inventions of the last century. Apart from dishwashers.”
“Is that so? Interesting. I would like to see one of these devices. Does everyone have one?”
“More or less. People find it imperative. The government in England even give out grants for old people to have them. Do as you would be done by and all that I suppose.”
“Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law,” Kant mused.
“Sorry,” Brian said “You’ve lost me there.”
“Do as you would be done by,” Kant elaborated.
“Sorry, I”
“Never mind, liebchen.”
And so began a new friendship. Immanuel would come round to visit Brian in his rented apartment, and they would spend many an evening watching and discussing the philosophical profundities of Trumpton and Camberwick Green, and very occasionally Chigley, although Brian never let his new friend see Playaway. It was just too embarrassing.